all the ranch

Why UK ranch sucks… and what you can do about it.

Why UK ranch sucks… and what you can do about it.

For those of you that have been lucky enough to visit the USA you’ll know it’s a complicated place. As a country it’s like that friend who sings Karaoke with gusto but doesn’t realise that the rest of the room are cringing… we love them but they’re misguided. 

One thing the USA does undisputedly do well though is decadent food. Yeah their bread might be full of chemicals and the cheese is like plastic but sometimes… that’s just what you’re in the mood for. 

Ranch dressing is just such a food and I think it’s that lack of American spirit that has stopped the UK from making a good one. 

Our ranch is terrible. There’s only one that’s readily available and it tastes like a crap Caesar salad dressing. It’s like they’ve never even tasted ranch, just imagined what it might taste like and made one up. 

I toured the USA with my band Fearless Vampire Killers in 2013 and came back with a negative bank balance and a ranch obsession. I tried buying the UK stuff but it just didn’t cut the mustard… so naturally I took matters into my own hands and now dear friends, I want to pass on that knowledge to you. 

SO. If like me, you crave proper ranch here’s what you can do about it!


Option 1: Make your own (The long way)

There is always the option to make your own ranch HOWEVER most of the recipes out there are missing a vital ingredient that is ESSENTIAL to making ranch taste like the American stuff… and that’s MSG.

Now MSG gets a bad rap, mostly the result of misinformation spread by disgruntled British business owners following the immigration of Chinese people here in the 1970’s. Whilst MSG isn’t GOOD for you it’s not anywhere near as bad as people think, not worse than say… salt. For more info on that and why we use MSG in some of our products you can read HERE. 

With that in mind if you do want to make your own from scratch I'd follow this recipe. Just mix it all together and let it stand:

▢ 1/2 cup mayonnaise
▢ 1/2 cup sour cream
▢ 1/2 cup buttermilk or regular milk
▢ 3/4 – 1 teaspoon dried dill weed
▢ 1/2 teaspoon dried parsley
▢ 1/2 teaspoon dried chives
▢ 1/4 teaspoon onion powder
▢ 1/2 teaspoon garlic powder
▢ 1/4 teaspoon fine sea salt
▢ 1/8 teaspoon finely cracked pepper
▢ freshly squeezed lemon juice to taste approximately 1-3 teaspoons, adjust to taste

▢ 1/2 teapsoon MSG* Kier's special addition.

Once all that is mixed together and allowed to stand you should have something that tastes close to genuine American ranch dressing.


Option 2: Buy ours (The lazy but equally delicious way)

Shameless plug I know, but you are on our website 😂 Also ranch is my most used product of ours and the one that I'm probably the most proud of. It tastes like the real stuff, it can also be used as a seasoning AND it's even vegan friendly, so no one gets left out.

Once you have it, all you have to do it mix it in equal parts (by volume) with mayo and milk then leave it to stand for 10mins so all those lovely flavours can meld. I can't stress BY VOLUME enough, we've had a couple of people recently that did it by weight and that is not what you want.

You can get your own ranch mix HERE


Whichever way you choose, please please don't buy the UK supermarket stuff. I want your first ranch experience (or re-experience) to be true and unadulterated. You work so hard after all, you deserve it!

Reading next

Condimaniac's Top 5 tips for making sauce at home
Kier Kemp on Future Food Stars with condiment business Condimaniac

Leave a comment

All comments are moderated before being published.

This site is protected by reCAPTCHA and the Google Privacy Policy and Terms of Service apply.